


Spiraling

by beautifulconcordia



Series: Wine and Cigarettes [2]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:27:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22155505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulconcordia/pseuds/beautifulconcordia
Summary: Beth has been struggling lately. Since the divorce, she’s been barely holding up. Explicit for later chapters. TW:Alcoholism and Depression
Relationships: Beth Latimer & Ellie Miller, Beth Latimer/Ellie Miller
Series: Wine and Cigarettes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1308488
Kudos: 11





	1. First

Beth didn’t know who she was anymore. 

She looks into the mirror, her hair disheveled, eyes red, not only from the tears but from the copious amounts of wine drunk during the day. She’d sleep it off, spend the day hungover and vomiting. Most days she would spend in her bed, downing bottles of wine, crying in bed with her hoodie covering her like a protective blanket. It pained Chloe to see her mum like this. Some days she’d help her by holding her hair back while she threw up. She would cook for her, making sure she would eat at least something. It was worrying to her that her mum suffered so bad that she turned to alcohol for solace. 

Chloe looks after her little sister, making sure she was taken care of. She was so young but making some very adult decisions. They had no contact with their father, and Chloe made sure of that. She hated that he shut them all out and made it all about himself instead of them all working through the grief together. Danny would have been devastated by the dissolution of their parents marriage. Lizzie reminded her so much of Danny—-her cheekiness, her laughter. At the tender age of two, she sensed something was up but Chloe tried her best to mask it. Trips to the park, the zoo(Lizzie loved her lions) taking her to Ellie’s when things got overwhelming. 

Ellie did everything and anything to help. Fred welcomed a playmate, and Tom would help as well. Ellie sometimes even packed her bags and stayed with Chloe to give the girls and her boys some form of stability. Hell, they all needed it after the hell Joe and Mark put them through. Some days Beth would join, staying sober and other days it was drowning her sorrows in whatever alcohol she could find lying around. Alcoholism reared its ugly head and Ellie constantly fretted about Beth. She loved her so much and it pained her to see her suffer this badly.

Beth lies on top of her bed, sprawled out. She reaches for the bottle of vodka on the counter. Popping the top off, she takes a few swigs, then leans over to dig in the nightstand. She finds a lighter and a cigarette. Sticking it in her mouth, she lights it. Taking a deep inhale, she exhales a stream of smoke straight up to the ceiling.

“Beth...it’s Ellie.”

Beth turns her head to find Ellie standing in the doorway. She looked concerned, as was everyone else.

“When did you start smoking?” she asks as non judgmentally as possible. She knew this wasn’t the first time Beth lit up. Beth smoked in high school, quit when she found out she was pregnant with Chloe. Ellie knew Beth only smoked when she was upset or stressed. 

Still a bit tipsy, Beth replied,”Off and on the last few days. Picked up a pack and a lighter at the Tesco.” She takes another long drag off of the cigarette, then offered it up to Ellie. Ellie takes it, taking a hit from it, sending a stream of smoke across the room.

“Bethy, Chloe is worried about you. You’ve been drinking a lot the last week or two again and she’s scared. She’s been feeling lost as has your youngest. They need you Beth, and frankly I need you too.”

Beth reaches for the vodka bottle, taking a swig. Normally she was more for the wine, but there was none left. Vodka would have to do to numb her pain.

“I know. I’ve been a fucking mess lately. Mark sent the divorce papers and they want me to sign them. I can’t believe it’s come to this. And Chloe’s preparing for the end of her schooling, which leaves me with a toddler daughter to care for and I don’t know if I can do this alone, Ellie.”

Ellie sighs, taking Beth in her arms. 

“Thing is Beth, you’re not alone. You have me.”


	2. Feeling

Beth could only respond with burying her face in Ellie’s chest, still very much drunk.

“I don’t know how you put up with me,” she says managing a smile. 

“Beth, I’ve put up with a lot over the years. We’ve been through a lot together. I love you no matter what.”

“ I love you too,” Beth replies, still very much drunk. For a moment there, she stumbles and Ellie manages to catch her, and get her onto the bed. She holds her tightly.

“You’re safe with me. I’m not going anywhere.”

She looks down to find Beth asleep. Figuring she could tell her in the morning, when Beth was hopefully more sober—-she lays her against her pillow, and leans forward, tucking her in.

“G’nite,” she says before walking out of the room. She doesn’t expect a response, and heads out to the couch to get some form of shut eye. After the last few days, she needed it.

——————

Ellie lays there, the analog clock glowing it’s annoying green light. Her body drenched in sweat, she wakes up a bit more and looks at the nearest clock. 

“Shit, it’s three am,”she remarks quietly and realizes all the kids are asleep. Fred was asleep on a cot nearby, as was Tom. Chloe and Lizzie were fast asleep in Chloe’s room. Lizzie has a fear of the dark and monsters under her bed—so she insists that Chloe sleep with her. Beth, well she must be awake, as she sees a light on. 

Quietly, the detective walks over to her room, finding Beth doubled over in sickness in the water closet. Ellie helps her by holding her hair back as Beth vomits. After a few bouts, Beth feels better. She looks up at Ellie, and smiles, reaching for her water and taking a few sips. 

“Thank you,” she says hoarsely. Ellie nods still half in half out. She didn’t expect to be up this early. 

“About last night. I’m really grateful you were here. I’m so embarrassed that you had to see me like this.”

Ellie presses her into a tight hug. 

“I’m glad to help you. Look, I’ve got something to tell you and I wanted to wait until you were sober.”

Just as she says that, Beth leans up and presses a kiss against Ellie’s lips, silencing her train of thought.

She knew. _Good god, she knew_.


	3. She Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love finds its way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update—a lot had gone on the past five months and with me having a lot of free time right now, I’m going to update a lot of fics including this one and maybe finally write something new! Here’s the next part :)

Pulling herself away, she looks into Ellie’s eyes, noting that Ellie was experiencing tears. She takes her fingers, brushing them away.

“Don’t cry,” she says as she presses her lips against Ellie’s a second time, her fingers twirling her curls. She feels the softness of Ellie’s lips. Playing with the buttons on Ellie’s pajamas nervously, she whispers,”Please don’t.”

Ellie nods, sniffling. Beth rests her head against Ellie’s chest. She could hear the happiness beating through her. Smiling, she toys with Ellie’s buttons on her nightie, her fingers rubbing against the firm plastic.

“I don’t want to be this way anymore. Knowing I have you, and your kids and my children, Chloe and Lizzie, that’s something to live for. I want to see Lizzie grow up, to see Chloe finish sixth form and go to a university—that’s something I never got to do, and I want to pursue us, that’s if you want me.”

Ellie silences Beth’s thought with another kiss.

“I want this. I want you...” she mumbles sleepily as she presses kisses gently against Beth’s forehead. Beth smiles.

“Good. Because I was worried you wouldn’t want to be with a mess like me.”

Ellie puts a finger to her lips. “Stop. You’re not a mess, Beth. Grief does weird things to people. You haven’t had the easiest few years, nor have I.”

Beth buried her head once again in Ellie’s chest. 

“You’re right.”

Ellie kisses her against her matted hair.

“Of course. I’m here for the long run.”

Sighing, Beth smiles. It was her first big grin in days.

“Let’s get some rest,” to which Ellie agreed with a huge yawn and joined Beth on the bed. She spooned up behind her, holding her tightly in her arms. Closing her eyes, she soon falls back to sleep, Beth nuzzled against her chest.


	4. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

Morning came, and they woke up curled in bed together. 

“Mmm, g’morning. How did you sleep?”

Beth groaned a little. “I slept better because I was with you, but now I have this massive headache. It feels like that bloody toy monkey bangin’ on those cymbals.”

Ellie presses a kiss against Beth’s forehead.

“I’ll make us a good breakfast and something to get rid of that hangover of yours.”

The woman smiled. Christ, this was the last time she was going to let herself drink like that. She hadn’t had a hangover like this since sixth form. 

“Can we have bacon an’ eggs?” She asks coyly.

Ellie kisses her lips, signaling a yes.

“We can even use the grease from the bacon and have fried eggs. Make a sandwich.”

Beth smiles at the thought. 

“I love a good sandwich.”


	5. Stronger than yesterday

The path to sobriety was hard for Beth. Some days, she could stay sober, other days she was crying, downing a bottle of scotch. The AlAnon meetings weren’t helping matters either. She didn’t like sharing her innermost thoughts with people she just barely knew. Ellie had taken her two towns over to attend, as she felt with Broadchurch being so small, that everyone would be up in their business. They already kept reminding Ellie she shouldn’t try with Beth, and to that Ellie told them all to fuck off.

“Can’t you all see that having a go at her is just making her feel worse about herself? Christ, small town drama,” she mutters to herself, annoyed at them. She comes home from work, defeated, exhausted, and only having enough energy to feed the kids, and lay there and watch the next episode of Coronation Street. Just as she sits down to eat, Beth comes in the house.

“Hi, El...how was your day?”

Ellie finished chewing the bit of pork, and replies,” Hell. I’m so tired of everyone offering their opinions when it’s not needed.”

Beth sighed, “ Oh christ, was it them going on about me again?”

Ellie puts her arm around Beth. “ Yes, and don’t worry, I put them in their place. I really hate small town crap. Everyone’s up in everyone’s business.”

Beth nods. “I’m just glad my meetings are not here. I don’t want them knowing.”

Ellie presses a kiss against Beth’s forehead. “You’ve been doing great though. Despite a few setbacks, you’ve been really fighting this. I’m proud of you.”

Beth smiled, looking at Ellie’s dinner. “I’m famished, what’s for dinner?”  
Ellie grinned. “Well, it’s microwave night. I was too tired to cook.”

The kids were all at the park, Beth and Ellie were home alone. She sits happily in Ellie’s lap, Ellie holding her tightly as they spent time together. It was Ellie’s day off. She wanted to spend it in the best way she knew how. With her Beth.

“Such a lovely day,”remarked Beth. She nuzzles against Ellie’s chest, grinning from ear to ear. Now six months sober, she hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol and attended meetings. Ellie even threw her a party to celebrate her six months sobriety. She looks down at her chip, rubbing it against her thumb and index finger. 

Ellie notices Beth playing with her chip and smiles, pressing kisses against her head, her fingers running through Beth’s hair.

“I’m so chuffed for you, babe.”

Ellie presses another light kiss against Beth’s lips. Pulling herself away, she notes the smile on Beth’s face. Her eyes beaming with happiness for the first time in a long time. 

“Thank you, she says with excitement, throwing her arms around Ellie. Ellie could feel her press closer and closer. She feels the outline of her love’s body press up against her own clothed body. She couldn’t recall ever seeing Beth naked. Biting her lip, she tried to contain herself. They had been taking it slow, mainly making out as Ellie teases her playfully. Beth shared a knowing glance at Ellie, playing with her blouse. Ellie didn’t stop her, the only reason she didn’t push first is because she wanted Beth to be ready. She knew what Beth had been through. Beth toys with the buttons, undoing them one by one with each finger until Ellie’s shirt was open. She stops to admire her, then reaches for her bra, and with a few swift flicks, she undid her bra, revealing Ellie’s breasts, supple and beautiful. Beth cups them in her hands, her thumbs teasing her nipples until they perked. 

She scoots closer, pushing Ellie down on to the couch. Running her fingers against her stomach, she traces the faint scars of childbirth. Leaning down, she brushes light kisses against them. She reaches for the buttons fastening her jeans, unbuttoning them slowly and carefully. Ellie wriggles them off, a skill she insisted she practiced, to which Beth stifles a giggle. Leaving her in nothing but her panties, Beth lifts her blouse over her head, revealing her bra. She unhooks her bra,revealing small beautiful breasts. Ellie bites her lip in anticipation, reaching to caress her skin gently, her fingers tracing against scars. Beth moans a little, to which Ellie pulls her closer to her, silencing her with a few kisses. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Ellie says in between hungry mouthed kisses, to which Beth replies huskily, “I’m ready to try. “


	6. Big Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth and Ellie finally become more intimate. Explicit for the sex.

Ellie smiles, her eyes beaming with joy. She had never seen Beth like this and she loved it. Throwing her head back with laughter, Beth proceeds to kiss every inch of her,to which she moans happily. Gently grazing her collarbone, Beth bites her lip in response to another guttural moan, and she pauses for a moment, thinking about the next move. Ellie whimpers, her body desiring more.

“Jesus, Beth,” she whispers huskily as she presses her soft dewy lips in protest.

Beth smiles, running her fingers through Ellie’s hair and in response, Ellie pouts.

“Don’t make me beg,” she gasps.

Beth tries to stay one step ahead.Continuing her lips down Ellie’s collarbone, she brushes them against the tops of the woman’s unfettered, smooth breasts. The sensation tickles Ellie so much she whimpers before another moan escaped her lips and Beth grins knowing she was turning her on. Beth then slips a hand inside her panties, noting she was wet. 

Carefully she teases Ellie’s swollen clit, running her fingers against her most sensitive areas to which at each movement against her mound elicited a deep guttural moan. Her other hand reaches for a bare breast, she begins to stimulate it with her index and thumb, playfully tugging at an erect pink nipple as she listens to Ellie cries of her name and intermittent swearing.

“Gods,Beth...where did you learn to please a woman like this?”

Beth smiled, licking her fingers in satisfaction. 

The pause was short, she then continued the motion of rubbing Ellie’s swollen nipple, and she found a spot and pushed her onto the bed. Arching her back, she leans in, proceeding to eat her out. She hungrily lapped against a swollen, sensitive area, playfully testing some areas until she reached the orgasm. In that swift moment of lapping against the small nub, Ellie screams and clasps onto Beth, her fingernails digging hard into Beth’s shoulder blades.

“Oh, Jesus Christ!” 

The exclamation from Ellie soon followed a ear shattering orgasm that Ellie felt all through her body. It was like an electric shock happened and she touched a socket. It was magical and electrifying and this was probably going to be the best sex she’s had, and she had to admit that she enjoyed sex with women much more than men. It was soft, but at times feral and she shudders and soon settles into the bed, closing her eyes for a moment to process. Opening her eyes, she finds Beth holding her in her arms and she smiles.

“Mm,” she murmurs as she kisses Beth’s lips. Beth strokes Ellie’s hair, and they lay there, naked and sweaty but content.

“What did you think, El?”

Ellie rests her head against Beth’s bare breasts, and looks up with a grin.

“It was amazing.”

Beth looked pleased. She presses a soft kiss against Ellie’s forehead.

“Glad you liked it. I was nervous because I-I haven’t had sex in quite a while. Feels good to get some of that tension out,” she says as she continues to play with strands of Ellie’s hair that kept falling out of place.

Ellie grins. “Same here. I think we’ve been too scared because we didn’t know what would happen. And now that we know, it’s great because we can learn about each other.” She traces the scars on Beth’s stomach from childbirth.

“I want a future with you. You’ve made me feel things I’ve never felt before, Beth Latimer.”

Beth looks at her, at first shock, but soon turns to content and happiness. 

“Me too. I’ve even thought about this, and i dont know if you’d think this was too soon, but I’ve wondered what it would be like for us to have a child together.”

Ellie grins, and presses a kiss against Beth’s lips.

“You’ve thought about that too? It’s not too soon, I mean--we’ve been together as a couple for almost a year now. We can discuss that if it’s something we want to do, but I’m not sure if I’d be willing to be pregnant again.”

Beth nods. “I’d be willing, but I don’t know. Like you said, we’d have to have discussions. More than just this one.”

Ellie grins. “I love when we discuss things like this after sex. It’s random, but I love it.” Beth reaches for a cigarette, and with a lighter on the nightstand, she lights it up, and takes a quick inhale, then exhale, closing her eyes contentedly. She offers up the cigarette to Ellie, who takes it and looks at it for a moment.

“I thought you quit,” Ellie says as she takes a hit off the cigarette, sending a stream of smoke across the bed before handing it back to Beth.

“I tried, but it’s been hard. I do enjoy my post coitus cigarette,” she laughs as she dabs it out in the ashtray.

Ellie nods in agreement. She did enjoy one every so often. Beth smiled, and motions for Ellie to come over and lay in her arms.

“Mm, this is nice. I love the feeling of your skin against mine.”

Beth strokes her hair, pressing light kisses against her damp forehead.

“Me too, Ellie. Me too. Let’s enjoy this moment,while we’re alone in the house.”

Ellie smiles, replying,” Yes. And we can have the baby discussion again later, when the kids are asleep. It’s something we’ve been thinking about, but it’s a big step for us, so we need to think hard about it.

“I agree,” Beth says as she presses a kiss against Ellie’s lips. She felt content for the first time in a long time.


End file.
